Bread, we’ve come a long way, haven’t we?

It seems like only yesterday that you were a troublesome character. Nothing short of abuse would make you behave. I’ll be honest; sometimes I loved giving you what was coming to you. Slapping you around, kneading the hell out of you until I deemed you ready for a rest. Those were some fun times. And don’t lie, you liked it, too. All I ever wanted to do was break you. Is that too much to ask?

Over the years, we were fools to think it would get easier. When the early 1900s brought us stand mixers and dough hooks, we knew we had an upper hand in the relationship. When the 1980s gifted us with bread machines and rapid rise yeast, we thought that maybe, just maybe, we had a chance.

But bread, you were stubborn still. It got to the point where nothing short of song, dance and good old-fashioned ‘80s sex appeal would work on you. I can’t believe you made this guy work so hard for you. You’re nothing if not selfish.

Making bread in the 80s

MySpace Melbourne | MySpace Video

All synth and sex aside, I’m tired of resenting you for being so difficult. I’m a changed woman, bread. I’m getting older – wiser—and I want something simple. Something effortless. Our relationship is too much drama sometimes, don’t you think? If I propose a new idea, will you at least try it? For us?

You see, a few years ago, Mark Bittman told us that the more we ignore you, the better you’ll be. If we put in as little effort into you as possible, you rise, obviously missing all of the attention we once bestowed.

And when you’re fresh from the oven, my goodness, you’ll be wearing your Sunday best! A youthful sheen over a crunchy, bubbly crust, and a tender heart that’s just begging to be dressed in garlic butter. You’ll be a pleasure, pure and simple.

Maybe with a sudden change of heart on your part, and my cease to abuse, our relationship will finally work out. I’ll give you what you want – time, love, and patience – and you’ll give me what I want – nourishment, taste, and satisfaction. I think we can do it. Do you?

(Click on link below for recipe)

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Sunday was all about putting the finishing touches on the fruits of my labor. Here’s the mint brownie brigade, created in the final hours of a three-day baking bonanza. Each little brownie bite stands tall and proud (well, save for some underachievers in the back), like a little soldier marching in his rank. To the gift boxes!

The do-over batch of caramels were finally wrapped…

… and the rainbow cookies were lookin’ festive despite my laziness in layering on the chocolate. With my baking bonanza now over, I sat back with a glass of Beaujolais and would truck the boxes to the post office in the morning. Merry Christmas!

– Cynthia Furey

Just interrupting my holiday baking bonanza series to report that Tastespotting picked the photo I submitted! It’s the first of many, I can only hope. My photo is in the top row, center. What an awesome Christmas present. I’m so excited!

– Cynthia Furey