When someone yells “FIRE!!” from your walk-in closet, one of two things can happen: You’ll either respond in ways that would make a ninja press his hands together and bow, or you’ll trip, faceplant, and yell back something totally unintelligible. How do I know?

So I’m in my kitchen measuring ingredients for a friend’s wedding cake (full rundown next week), elbows deep in cake flour and with a 38-pound tub of high-ratio shortening at my feet. I had hired Robert the Repairman to hook up the stackable gas washer/dryer I bought off of Craigslist (which by the way: not recommended.)

It was a totally uneventful evening until that frantic call-to-action of “FIRE!!” was put into place. I dropped my sifter and in an effort to bypass 38-pounds of fat, I tripped over my own toes and faceplanted slow-motion style into the speckled Berber carpet, rug-burning my lips in the process.

But I got up! I got up and as slowly as I seemed to fall, I yelled a stretched “WHAAAAT?” in the general direction of where smoke was now wafting from.

Robert the Repairman came running into the kitchen and together we filled glasses of tap water and ran back to the closet, where flames and ashes were shooting out of the dryer’s drum. And all the while I’m thinking, I’ve owned this home for a week and already it’s burning down?

Luckily, it only took a few minutes to put the fire out. Then we moved the behemoth appliance outta my house and waited for the Craiglist guy to pick it up. I got my money back (thank goodness), but I’m still working on my sanity.

So how do you go back to sifting flour after something like that? Well, you don’t.

Catastrophes give me the munchies, and all I wanted to do was eat away the buzz that was coming from my nerves. After that debacle, the question wasn’t “how long are my clothes going to smell like burning lint,” but rather “what am I going to stuff my wounded lips with?”

The answer was pie. Pie heals all wounds.

One of the first things I did on the day I moved into this place was make an apple pie for the sole purpose of watching it cool on my very first pie window. At various times of the week, I would be a geek and take it out of the fridge to place it on the pie window – just so I could see it there again. The whole pie was still sitting in the fridge, so I pulled it onto the counter and ravaged most of it like it was the last time I’d ever eat pie. Crisis-driven hunger solved. Lack of sanity, however, is another story. (Click on “Read the rest of this entry” for recipe.)

From experience, I can attest that this pie is good to make when life gets a little fiery. Brushing some of the cooked pie filling onto the crust will give you a bubbly, caramelized flavor – and a pretty sexy pie. The below recipe for butter pie crust was doubled and adapted from Gourmet magazine’s September 2009 issue. For the original recipe, click here.

Might I also say that it’s good to be back to a regular blogging schedule? I missed you guys.

CRISIS-AVERTED APPLE PIE
Yield: 1 9-inch pie (about 8 servings)

• For crust:
• 2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 sticks (1 cup) cold unsalted butter, cut into small cubes
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup ice water, divided
• For filling:
• 10 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and sliced (about 6 slices each apple)
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup water
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/2 cup light brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

1. To make pie dough: In a food processor, blend flour, butter and salt until a coarse meal forms (when it looks like graham cracker crumbs). Add 1/4 cup of ice water and pulse. Add remaining 1/4 cup of ice water in tablespoons, and pulse between each tablespoon until dough forms. Be careful not to overwork dough, you want it just combined and holding together. (If dough is too wet, you can always add more flour.)
2. Remove dough from food processor and place on a lightly floured work surface. Divide dough in half and flatten both halves into 5-inch circles. Wrap in plastic and chill in refrigerator for at least one hour, or up to three days.
3. To make pie: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roll out one pie dough disk and place in 9-inch pie plate. Prick pie dough with fork.
4. Peel, core and slice apples, about six slices per apple. Place in a large bowl and toss with lemon juice. Set aside.
5. In a medium saucepan, add butter, flour, water, sugars, spices and salt. Bring to a boil and remove from heat. Pour all but 1/4 cup of the mixture into apples and toss. Arrange apple mixture in prepared pie crust.
6. If making a regular pie, roll out second pie crust and place over apples, crimping edges with a fork. With a small knife, cut four slits into the center of the pie. If making lattice crust, roll out pie dough and cut into strips, arranging them into a pattern over pie. Crimp edges of pie.
7. Using pastry brush, brush remaining sugar mixture over top of pie crust until coated. Bake in oven for 45 minutes or until crust is golden brown and apples are softened. Remove from oven and cool on a rack before serving.

– Cynthia Furey

I had the pleasure of touring the Berkeley Scharffen Berger factory before it closed and moved operations to some Hershey plants in Illinois. I haven’t noticed a change in the quality of chocolate, but I have noticed a change in me. Since I’ve learned that production halted in that tiny little Berkeley building, there’s some small void that exists when I reach for my stash of Scharffen Berger bittersweet chocolate. I’m reminded that it comes from a seemingly soulless megabrand that adds heaps of sugar to mask its lack of quality in chocolate. The connection I once had with it has vanished, and I often wonder if it shows in my baking.

Again, I haven’t noticed a change in its quality, but the romantic in me says I should go and look for another chocolate to use in my cookies and chocolate banana cream pies (any recommendations besides the lovely Valrhona?). But I can’t seem to let go. (Click on “Read the rest of this entry” for recipe)

MINI CHOCOLATE BANANA CREAM PIES
(Pastry cream recipe adapted from Professional Baking, Wayne Gisslen)

• Yield: 6 mini pies
• For pastry cream:
  2 cups milk
  1/2 cup sugar, divided
  2 egg yolks
  1 whole egg
  3-1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
  2 tablespoons butter
  2 teaspoons vanilla
  4 ounces Scharffen Berger bittersweet chocolate
• Whipped cream:
  1 cup heavy cream
  1 teaspoon vanilla
  2 tablespoons confectioner’s sugar
• 1 to 2 bananas, sliced
  6 mini graham cracker pie or pre-baked pastry dough pie crusts
  Optional garnish: Chocolate shavings

Procedure:
1. In a heavy saucepan, dissolve 1/4 cup sugar in milk and bring just to a boil. Remove from heat.
2. With a whisk, beat egg yolks and whole egg in a stainless-steel bowl.
3. Sift cornstarch and remaining 1/4 cup sugar into eggs. Beat with whisk until smooth.
4. Temper the egg mixture by slowly beating in the hot milk in a thin stream (this will prevent eggs from curdling). Return mixture to heat and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. When mixture comes to a boil and thickens, remove from heat.
5. Stir in butter and vanilla. Mix until butter is melted and blended.
6. Stir in melted chocolate until smooth and combined.
7. Pour cream into a clean bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Cool and chill for a few hours or overnight. When ready to use, whip the chilled pastry cream until smooth before using.
8. To make whipped cream: In a mixing bowl, combine heavy cream, vanilla and sugar and beat until stiff peaks form. Chill until ready to use.

Pie assembly:
1. Place sliced bananas in pie crusts. Top with a chocolate pastry cream. Repeat with another layer of bananas and chocolate cream.
2. Top pies with whipped cream. Garnish with chocolate shavings.

Side note: March Madness is a month-long challenge in which I will post Monday through Friday for the entire month. I hope you will humor me in reading!

– Cynthia Furey